Sea of Repentance

      

     When I first accepted the truth that I was broken and needed a saviour, a couple church topics did not make sense to me. The first was prayer. I thought if God already knows what I need why do I need to pray for it? I learned thorough my ignorance that pray isn’t about connecting God with me but connecting me to God. The second was worship. It made no sense to me that we had to worship. Doesn't that mean that God is incomplete because he needs us to worship? But as God softened my heart I realized worship is an expression of what we love. Its not for his benefit but for ours because he is what gives us life.

      Tim Keller wrote: “Evidently what we worship will eventually lead us to our death. Jesus is the only thing we can worship that died for us”.

      If a new believer asked me what they needed to do to be saved I would tell them to repent of their sins and take up their cross and follow Christ.

      Luke 9:23 “then Jesus said to them all: ”Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.””

      Luke 13:5 “I tell you no! but unless you repent, you too will perish.”

      This is what I've been told. The scripture says it repeatedly. Pastors say it repeatedly.

      I could make sense of picking up my cross and following Christ. I know I needed Christ, therefore giving up my selfish desires for his is necessary.

     But the truth is when I was a new believer that other part of that biblical term didn’t make sense to me. What does it mean to repent? This was a brand new word to me so I asked people what it means to repent. What I was told by many people was that repentance is apologizing or saying sorry for what wrongs or bad things that I have done.

      My first thought when hearing this was “oh this is easy”. I was really good at saying sorry. That word basically rolled off my tongue. This might even be a Canadian problem because one time I was in Mexico playing pool with an American, I was beating him and when ever I sunk a ball he would get angry and then I would say sorry. He said to me “you must be a Canadian because you apologize for everything”. It was true, I did. When I say sorry it is basically a “get out of jail free” card. Sadly I found out that this was not as easy as I thought. When I adapted this habit of saying sorry with repenting I would say sorry for the sin I committed but then I would ask God to remove the temptations from my thoughts that would lead me down those sinful paths because that was the real problem. Right? But those temptations only got stronger and harder to ignore. I got angry with God for not removing them from me. So I did what I normally do to seek answers from God. I went to scripture. `

       Paul shares his struggle with sin in Romans 7:15 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do”. And 2 Corinthians 12:7b-8 “I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me”.

      I got depressed. I thought I was going to continue to sin and seek forgiveness for the rest of my life. I was not in a good place. I was mad all the time. I made excuses not to come to church because every time I did I just felt guilty. I hated it.

      Being in a dark place started to be a lonely place spiritually. Its funny how even in the darkest room even the smallest light seems bright. That’s when it dawned on me, “maybe I am repenting wrong”. So I prayed to God “please show me what repentance is suppose to be?”. The amazing thing about God is he answers to you in his way and on his time. Not to long after that prayer God answered in a pretty cool way. God gave me a dream. first I didn’t understand exactly what it all meant but as I have meditated on this and trusted that God would explain what he showed me.

      I was in water, surround. I needed to breathe. As I emerged to the surface I gasped for air as if it was for the first time. As I gathered my thoughts I noticed I was in the middle of a huge body of water. I could not see a shore in any direction that I looked, just the sun high in the sky. Then I heard a voice “you need to get out of the water”. 

     When I first heard this I was confused but I thought I could tread myself out of the water if I just tried hard enough. Unfortunately the highest I could achieve was the bottom of my rib cage. 
     
     As I realized that this wasn’t what the voice was suggesting I decided to start swimming. I swam in the direction of the sun because I wanted to make sure I was going in a straight direction. I was proud of myself, as I tried to forget that I wasted time trying to tread out of the water. As the sun set I didn’t seem to get any closer to a shore. 

     As I slowed down to almost a stop I saw something in the distance. I swam over to it and as I got closer I noticed it was a person. As I got right beside them I realized that this person wasn’t a very good person. But then the thought crossed my mind “I could get on top of him to get out”. At this point I was exhausted and just wanted to get out so I grabbed him and began to pull myself up. But to my surprise I wasn’t getting out of the water but rather I was pushing this man deeper into the water. After this I was so ashamed of myself. I felt so helpless. 

     I was almost ready to give up but it was in that moment I was forgetting one of the most powerful things I could do, pray. So then in such a helpless state I prayed that God would provide to me a boat or something I could float on so I could get out. 

     I prayed and prayed and prayed. Still nothing. Finally I cried out to God “I cant do this on my own, I am going to drown before I get out of here!” then I heard him again “I know you cant do this on your own but you are forgetting that there was one who could walk on the water!” and I called out “JESUS!” he was right there reaching his hand out instructing me “just hold on, I have you! Have faith”.

       Matthew 14:25-31 “Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid”. “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “ tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” Jesus said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord save me!” immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

      I have to ask you, have you ever tried to escape your sin? One of the lies we tell ourselves is if we cant escape our sin then that makes us a failure. We don’t want to be a failure so we sometimes repeat to ourselves that we'll just try harder next time. See this was when I was treading on the water. No matter how hard I tried. Trying to get out on my own would not work. It was impossible.

      Maybe you are like me and to stop one sin you end up turning to another. When I wanted to not sin sexually I turned to video games. I thought that it was a healthier option really, but then it started to take over my life. When I got home after work I would want to go play and my wife would say that I chose that and many other things over her. The truth is I was running or (swimming) from my sin. The problem was I was just surrounding myself by different sin. This was when I was trying to swim to the shore. I believed I could make it if I just was determined enough. The truth is eventually the reality that I cant out swim the sin I’m in will turn my determination into doubt. You cant get thorough life, let alone your sin with determination alone.

       Another lie we believe to try and make us feel better is that “sure I did wrong but at least it wasn’t as bad as what that guy did”. It doesn’t matter if you stole a million dollars or a handful of candy. It doesn’t matter if you lie about a crime in court or whether you lied about doing all your homework. Sin is sin. Now that doesn’t mean there should not be different consequences, because our sin does effect the people around us. This was when I was using the other person to get myself out. All I was doing was putting them down, not raising myself up.

      Or how about this? Have you ever prayed for something because you “needed” it and you don’t get it. In a way when I did this I thought I just asked for it wrong or I just had to be patient. Waiting for what I asked for, ignoring all other blessings from God. God answers prayer in three ways, yes, no, and later. But I don’t really like that no word. So I always looked at his answers as a yes or a later. Especially if it is something I know I need. I knew I needed something outside myself to get myself out of my sin. That truth I could not deny. But sometimes God answers with a “no” because he has already given you what you need. He already gave me his son. All I have to do is first believe he is there, second hold on, and third trusting he wont let me go or abandon me. And he has done this for you too.

      Now you are probably wondering what does this have to do with repentance? What I realized was that I was started my repentance with my sin, that was where I went wrong. Repentance doesn’t start with our sin but with what Jesus did on the cross! Jesus died the death you and I deserve. So you could be free from your sin. Stop trying to take credit for what only Jesus can and has done.

       Easter might be a yearly reminder of what Jesus did on the cross but our sin is a daily reminder of what Jesus did. See to take up your cross and follow him first starts with you repenting of your sins. And It started with Jesus. He died for you and me. When you are tempted hold on to Jesus. Look to Jesus. Pray to Jesus. Have Faith in Jesus. Don’t beat yourself up. Jesus isn’t up there shaking his head. He knows what you have done and what you are going to do and he still died for you.

        If you can relate to repenting by starting with your sin you are missing the bigger picture. Jesus is the sacrifice for all of our sins.

       So maybe you have found yourself trying to tread out of your sin. Maybe you have swam from one sin but have found yourself surrounded by other another. Or maybe you have drowned someone else to raise yourself up. Or even tried praying for something you think you need. If you are like me you are guilty of multiple of these. If by Gods grace you are hearing God, take the time to understand what he is telling you. If you have anything to repent of today I Challenge you to put it on the cross. Maybe it’s a sin you have done, maybe it is a sin you find yourself doing all the time. No matter if it is a big or little sin in your own eyes sin is sin to God. So by placing it on the cross you are signifying that Jesus has in fact died for these sins and all the others and by Gods grace he has died so we would not have to and that after this life we don’t fall into nothingness but rather into Gods eternal glory.

       God loves you. If you don’t think that he can forgive you let me tell you he already has. God created us with the ability to be aware and be observant of all that is around us. 

     Thank you for your time, God bless,

                 Ryan Heath